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St. Paddy’s Day is the Day for Most of the time, you find yourself in awkward situations. Everybody sitting around the table at the Irish pub that you just walked in, and everyone’s got a limerick on their lips, they’re smiling and laughing, and you’re sitting there like an absolute idiot, wanting to crack a good joke and have everyone laughing like they’re insane, but you can’t because you've got nothing.
Well, mate, you’ve come to the right place.
It’s no fun being in a pub when you haven’t got a limerick or two to mesmerise the crowd with and make them raise an Irish toast to you. Here’s a few of those to make sure you’re the centre of attention when the limerick round comes around.
Five Funniest Limericks to help you break the ice on St. Paddy's Day 2014:
1. “Creating a limerick a day
Should help keep dementia away
Finding words that will rhyme
And sound right each time
Can be… What’d I say?”
2. “I met a young trucker who boasted,
Of all the fine highways he’d coasted,
Stuck five feet in a rut,
Mired deep to his gut,
Saying, “Golly, this road should be posted!”
3. “There’s a pub in merry Athlone
When a wolfhound lies gnawin’ a bone
Says the publican there
“You should sit in a chair
So Pat Murphy won’t feel so alone”
4. “The Irish are known for their whiskey
And behavior decidedly risky
For quaffing poteen
While wearing the green
Can make one uncommonly frisky!”
5. “To make the St. Patrick’s Day scene
It’s wise to display something green
Clothes, hair, or your face
Choose any good place
Even soup in your mother’s tureen!”
You probably find limericks all over the internet, but these five are the best of the lot, and when you read them out from memory, I can assure you, there’s an Irish toast waiting for you, just at the end of the Limericks round. And if all else fails, try this one:
“St. Patrick’s Day is here you see. We’ll pick some shamrocks, one, two, three.
We’ll count the leaves and look them over, and maybe find a four –leafed clover.
I’ll sew green buttons on my vest, green for St. Patrick is the best.
I’ll wear a green hat, very high, and dance a jig—at least I’ll try.”
5 St. Paddy’s Day jokes to keep you going:
1. When Paddy visited the doctor, the doctor told him, “I am not so sure about the ailment. It must all that drinking” to that Paddy replied, “that’s okay, doc. I’ll come back again once you’re sober!”
2. Paddy met an Englishman who asked him which was the quickest way to Dublin. Paddy asks the man, “Are you on foot, or car?” The Englishman replies, “On car” Paddy smiles and says, “Well THAT certainly is the quickest!”
3. “Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?” “because they are always a little short!”
4. We have the perfect recipe for Irish Stew. You’ll need great meat, a few potatoes and Guinness Stout. Drink all of the stout. Forget about the stew!
5. Q: Why should you never iron a four-leaved clover?
A: you don’t want to press your luck!
These limericks and jokes should do the trick! You don’t have to sitting and sipping on your beer wondering why you didn’t memorize the best jokes, but now that you’re here, you don’t have to worry about that anymore. All night, you get to stay up with your family and friends in the Irish pub, like one big family and bring out limericks and jokes, and even join in the songs and the Shamrock talk. Here’s a toast to you! And hoping that this St. Paddy’s Day will be better and will mean much more to you than it did the last time. Here’s to hoping you meet some stranger in the crowd who changes your life, makes you a better person, here’s our Irish toast to you! Slainte, mate! Dí agus a bheith meidhreach!